To begin, with no apology whatsoever I quote myself from something I posted on a friend's blog that got me thinking about the day I'm about to start.
"Have you ever seen the movie "Fast Forward"? We watched part of it again just a few days ago, and yesterday Budd asked me, if we had one of those remotes, wouldn't you honestly fast forward about three weeks right now? A few years ago I would have told him yes. Even now I have to restrain myself from wishing away the few days until Christmas. I think what made the difference was surrendering myself to the concept that I can't control everything in my life."
I have to confess, though, that I haven't entirely surrendered. That occurred to me shortly after I clicked the 'submit' button. Like a millisecond. Because if I could control everything in my life, I'd certainly be pointing that remote at Budd right now to have him make up his mind about the logistics of our move.
I once made a study of something called Human Dynamics. The authors of the theory stated that something you and I have always thought of as personality differences are actually differences in cognitive processing--how our brains organize information on a moment-to-moment basis. Although I hated being placed in a neat little box, I have to admit that understanding the theory has served me fairly well over the years, and by the way has kept me from allowing the violent little control freak inside me from murdering poor Budd.
You see, we have similar processes to a certain extent. In the parlance of the HD theory, he is a physical-emotional thinker, and I'm a physical-mental. What that comes down to in a process like what we're going through right now is that we both gather facts--lots and lots of facts. He gathers them like you would gather apples in a basket, throwing them all in together and continuing to gather as he tries to decide which delicious apple to eat. I gather them into sorting bins. As I pick up each one, it goes into a compartment based on size, degree of ripeness, variety and whether or not it has blemishes. When I have what I consider enough apples, I have them all sorted and know exactly which one I'm going to eat. In fact, as soon as I have picked up the perfect size, variety and non-blemished ripe apple, that's when I've gathered enough.
If that metaphor wasn't too extended and labored, you'll know that means that Budd can't make up his mind, and it's driving me bonkers! Should he extend his commitment here until January 7 to minimize the time between jobs without pay? Should he make an attempt to get back to Canyon de Chelly for that week instead, which had been in the plans before he got the new job? Should he listen to his dear wife and understand that we need both of those weeks to take care of moving business? If so, should we go to Salt Lake to prepare and then go to Denver, necessitating a housing decision by long distance, or should we go to Denver first, secure the housing, then go to Salt Lake? Or not go to Salt Lake at all?
Where's the emoticon for shrieking and tearing your hair out???!!!Just decide, and I'll adjust. But I have to have a decision from which to base my planning. The upshot is that I'm running around in circles and half the work is wasted. Yesterday's discovery that 90% of the property management companies won't allow us to sign a lease sight-unseen may legislate in favor of the Denver first decision, but if he decides to work an extra week, I just don't see how we get everything done before he starts the new job. The fact that I'm limited in my driving time by acute highway hypnosis--I go to sleep--means that I can't do it without him to at least drive me places...
Yep, maybe I could use that remote after all.
P.S. Does nervous energy burn calories?
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